If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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