as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
