Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
