dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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