We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
