Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
