Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
