TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
