Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
