just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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