My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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