absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
