She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize