he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
