he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
