it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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