drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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