The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
