All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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