Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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