I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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