hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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