dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
