You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
sarcasm needs its own font
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
