Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You have to summon your inner elephant
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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