I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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