we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Pooping to opera.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
