Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
