david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
