I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
