Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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