My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
