Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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