Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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