cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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