I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
