My first STD was from a foam party
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm like, not good at living.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
