shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
