a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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