life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
