The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
where are my eyebrows?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
