My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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