Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
