words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
