do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
