hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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