Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
