eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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