Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
