Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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