I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
