shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
