I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Found your dick twin last night
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize