$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
