I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
