what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
