let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
