If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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