that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
