I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
