Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
