Who wears a wallet chain?!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
