We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize