when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
