Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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