Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
