idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
