It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
