i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
