I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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