If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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