She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
