My pussy is not your playground.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
