I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
