i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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