Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
