DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Soap is not a condiment
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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