just survived the first fart of the relationship.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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