Your face is a jimmy john
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
