I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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