He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
